Gerise Pappas is an Enneagram Intuitive
As she says . . . “The Enneagram “explained me” to myself unlike any other personality system or transformational modality. I had no idea the degree to which I was defending against the very intimacy that I was seeking. I grew up in the ethos of a conservative Catholic family where there was a “right way” and a “wrong way” and the fear of God was instilled in me. I was unaware that in order to survive, I took on beliefs which were not resonant with the heart of who I am. I was unconscious that I was withdrawing and suppressing my natural tendencies. I started becoming a defended and tragically compromised version of my original precious self. In my first year of high school I was sexually bullied and tried to regain control through eating disorders. My passion for living was a foregone memory. By my senior year suicide seemed like my only option. Going away to college lifted me out of an environment that was killing me and gave me a new lease on life. A hunger to understand the mystery of life, and what it is to be human became my North Star. Deeply steeped in the study of transformational modalities, I moved to California in 1995 to open my heart and grow spiritually. In 1996 I was introduced to the Enneagram. During my first 7 years of Enneagram study, I identified with the characteristics of Type 2, The Giver or Nurturer. During this period I found my study to be interesting but I was completely missing the inherent transformational value of the Enneagram. I “mis-typed” myself by trying to understand my Enneagram style based on my behaviors such as “being of service to others” rather than coming to know the nuances of my originating motivations.
Eight years ago a friend invited me to an Enneagram gathering lead by Curtis Blair, a masterful Enneagram Intuitive. When I began to interact with Curtis that evening, he said to me, “You are counter-phobic as hell!” That statement became the “buddha stick” that cracked me open!! I had enough Enneagram background to know what this meant; I wasn’t a Type 2 after all. My originating Enneagram style is Type 6, which unconsciously is driven by fear. Type 6 has the most exacerbated counter-phobic expression of any Type! Counter-phobic means to move away from fear. My cry for help was so deeply “seen” in that moment that my enormous glass-wall of a defense shattered. The rug was pulled out from the strategic defense that I had been hiding behind most of my adult life. I became aware for the first time that fear drove me to posture like a warrior. My version of Type 6 is known as “Strength and Beauty” but underneath the veneer of confidence was a trembling little girl who didn’t feel safe in this world and was constantly preparing for when the next shoe would drop. This false-front of confidence not only kept the world at bay but more importantly kept me from the greatest gift of all … intimacy with myself. The deepest transformation of my life had just begun! The intimacy that I had been longing for started to blossom. To this day I have been using the wisdom of the Enneagram to support my whole person integration. It is one of my greatest joys to facilitate the same for others.”